Dreams Deconstructed: When the First Semester in College Does Not Go As Planned
“Ultimately, transition is really hard and you are NOT the only one who experienced these challenges.”
August feels like yesterday and also a million miles away. High hopes, big dreams and a picturesque vision of college life. And then the reality sets in. Its different than you envisioned, it’s harder than expected, building relationships is awkward, new found independence has led to trouble, physical and mental health issues caused a disruption, you thought you could do it without accommodations, and now you need them…
So now we are here at the end of the semester potentially feeling anxious, depressed, depleted, incapable, lonely, on a leave of absence or finding your way out of conduct sanctions. You must be the only one...
Here’s what I know for sure.
You are not alone. First-time undergraduate freshmen have a 12-month dropout rate of 24.1% in the United States according to educationdata.com. I can hear you saying, "Wait, what?! But I was a really strong high school student with good grades, solid test scores, and friends…" Yes, and transition is no joke for anyone, especially 18 year olds, post-pandemic, in a new place with a new lingo, unfamiliar rules, and a whole lot of newfound free time!
The setback you have experienced this fall is NOT a sign that you CANNOT do it! You likely need a new approach, different strategies, and wrap around support to re-find your footing!
There are a handful of challenges that commonly plague new students and there are likely internal messages you are telling yourself that are chipping away at your self-confidence. As a result, we have to deconstruct those thoughts and rebuild them in a different frame.
So, let’s discuss:
Academic under-performance
Maybe you expected the same high marks you got in high school, or maybe you are finishing the term with an academic warning or on academic probation. As a result, you may be telling yourself, "I don’t have what it takes, I'm not smart enough, everyone knows more than me or I worked really hard and have nothing to show for all those hours in the library."
So what now: If you met their admissions standards, you likely have what it takes. But you may need to engage in new study habits, enhance your executive functioning and organizational skills, learn to take notes differently, or re-think how you are managing your time. These are doable and say absolutely nothing about your IQ or knowledge of Intro to Philosophy!
Loneliness/isolation
If either of these have been your challenge this semester, I imagine you may be tired of signing up for random events, going to hall programs, and standing at the back of a room on your phone pretending you aren’t completely alone. Maybe you had a horrible roommate situation or have been rejected from some group you really wanted to be part of. All of it has likely led you to feel an overwhelming lack of belonging.
So what now: You may need to re-evaluate how you went about connecting with others or in a few select cases, you should assess if a different environment might be better for you. It is also helpful to define what you are looking for in relationships, where that might be found on campus and how to make your way into those different spaces. Most importantly, my sense is you feel like the “only one” who hasn’t made friends or isn’t out having the time of your life every night. Social media and our own fear of missing out leads us to these thoughts. The reality is MANY students don’t find their people until second semester or even sophomore year and more students than you realize are feeling very similar to you!
Conduct issues
So you messed up…maybe you really messed up…and now you are feeling embarrassed or that you need to walk on egg shells to avoid further issues, or you are worried your parents are never going to forgive you, or you may think you have forever ruined your college "record".
So what now: College is about learning…not just in the classroom, but everywhere and that certainly includes learning from our mistakes. While it may feel like it right this second, this is not the end of the world and how you respond now is what will truly define you. That starts with taking responsibility and repairing any harm you have caused. Then, we need to start developing a plan to avoid making the same mistake twice! After that, it is time to forgive yourself, and start moving forward wiser, stronger, and more caring than you were before this incident.
Medical or personal leaves of absence due to health/mental health and/or personal crisis
If you are currently at home on a leave, you might not realize it, but you are right where you are supposed to be. However, your brain may be telling you, “This is it. I am already behind and I will never catch up. I have missed out on everything.” And honestly, "Am I really healthy enough to go back yet?!" I get it. This is not the timeout you imagined, and it is taking you off the meticulously planned timeline you have for yourself.
So what now: Colleges have policies to address these very issues. Priority one is your physical and mental health above all else. Let’s start by talking about treatment options. Then, take a deep breath and realize that twists and unexpected turns like this are all part of life. Taking time to prioritize your health is far more important than just pushing through. Instead, while you are at home, consider what are the most critical steps you need to take in support of your well-being? Should you consider an in-patient or outpatient treatment program? Should you consider taking a couple of classes that will transfer back in? Should you work, seek therapy, or both?! There are a lot of questions to answer, but by just taking it just one step at a time and laying out a set of goals to make the time away as productive as possible, you will be better equipped to be successful when you return. Then, when that return time comes, let’s be proactive about setting up a re-entry plan, meeting with resources ahead of time and developing a clear communication plan for what to do if/when those concerns creep back up.
General lack of direction, motivation, or focus
Uncertainty is no stranger to first year students. You may be questioning if the particular school you have chosen is the “best” one for you. You may be feeling unsure of what you want to study, pressured because you don’t know what career you want yet, or feeling like maybe you would be better off doing something other than college altogether. These questions can feel overwhelming at times and can start to make it particularly hard to get out of bed, go to class, study effectively or to get quality sleep. Guess what these can lead to…academic underperformance, mental health issues, isolation…and the cycle continues.
So what now: Its time to flip the script and start exploring your strengths and talents. Finding a mentor or coach with whom you can dig deeper around your interests. If you are feeling really uncertain or unmotivated, maybe consider talking to a parent or guardian about taking a break to try something else for a bit. Life is not linear and neither is the road to finding the right professional path for yourself! That said, college is meant to be a time of exploration and trying different things, so time spent deciphering what you are really passionate about, and how to organize your college experience around that will be time really well spent.
What Next:
Ultimately, transition is really hard and you are NOT the only one who experienced these challenges this semester. But now is the right time for you to regroup. I strongly encourage you to pause, reflect on what has happened, consider “What you were thinking when you first realized that things were different from what you pictured?” Then, ask yourself, “Now that the semester is over, what have I learned or realized about myself?" Finally, identify what you need most to be able to move forward and to feel whole again. Then let’s get after it.
I strongly encourage you to do your best to stay for at least one full first year at your current college before jumping to the big “T”. Transferring is a good option in some situations, BUT before we do that, we need to do the work to make sure we are not just carrying our challenge and our negative feelings forward with us to a new place and risking the start of the same vicious cycle. It is also important to make sure you don't get caught up in a "grass is greener" mentality that causes you to think another institution will be the silver bullet to your problems. No institution is perfect, and most will work very hard to support you in getting on track…especially if you struggled in the first semester.
Finally, there are a number of skills, behaviors and attitudes that we can address to increase your potential for success in the second semester or to support your re-entry following a leave of absence. If you would like to talk further about the specific challenges you or your student experienced this semester and would like to develop strategies for success, contact me to discuss 1-1 coaching options. In addition, if you would like to get yourself or your student on the list to participate in a second semester re-launch workshop to be facilitated by me the first week of January, please visit beducationstrategies.com/student-family-services or email me at beducationstrategies@gmail.com.