Its Me, Hi, I'm the Problem, Its Me!

““Ultimately, we can all sing along to Taylor’s new album, but let’s do our best to quiet the “anti-hero” and remind ourselves and each other of our worth!””

From Taylor Swift to Tennis superstar Naomi Osaka, to little ol’ me! We’ve all been there. Swimming in the spiral of slow motion known as imposter syndrome.

 2016: I applied for a job bigger than all my other experience combined and low and behold, I got it…I started my new job and for a solid two weeks, I sat frozen…how would I be able to do this? Those coming before me had better skills, more experience, greater training…they just had to….this place made a mistake hiring me, I fooled them, I’m not ready…and then finally, there was no choice, I had to just start. One step at a time, one decision at a time, one relationship at a time. That’s the power of this thing they have labeled (like the name of a rare disease)…imposter syndrome!

 A number of research studies estimate that over 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at different points in their career, and women in the workplace, in their communities, and as mothers…don’t even get me started on the number of us secretly wrestling with this inferiority! Finally, when you start layering on various minority identities you may hold and consider the structural inequities often found in the workplace that exacerbate feelings of “otherness”...it becomes unthinkable!

 For some of us, it is that sense that everyone else EFFORTLESSLY kills it and you are working your butt off just to stay above water and are also TRYING to make it look effortless to others. At other times, it is that voice inside of us saying, “they are better than me”, “what important thing could I possibly have to say?”, or worst of all, “I am going to look like a fool!” And yet, one other way this invader, imposter syndrome, shows up is in that internal need for perfection before releasing your idea or your work out into the wild!

 So now that we are all being more honest about these feelings and realizing we are not alone, what do we do about them?

 Well, we can start by simply acknowledging the feelings to ourselves when they creep in. Become aware of the doubts, sit with them, but try not give them the front row seat. Focus on telling yourself what you need to hear…you do matter, your ideas are legitimate, you can contribute, they did not make a mistake, you claimed this space.

 Then as hard as it is, verbalize your feelings of inadequacy, your need for perfectionism, or your doubt in your ability to a trusted mentor, coach, friend or loved one. And when they respond by reassuring you or telling you that you do have what it takes, BELIEVE THEM!

I saw a meme the other day that said, “No one ever learned to drive a car while it was in park!” That leads me to another important reminder…nothing is ever going to be totally flawless and mistakes are part of life. The more we can practice seeking critical feedback and hearing corrections as important, but not an attack on our sense of self, the more we can take the sting out and focus on growing forward.

 This week as I sat motionless because of my own imposter syndrome setting in, I became more vulnerable and decided to verbalize my thoughts to a few trusted advisors. One of them responded, saying, “You just have to make the ask, get uncomfortable!” Another said, “Shift into motion. Your talent and your experience will follow. Trust yourself!” So let’s let it fly together…press send, share your idea, just start working…forward momentum is key.

 Finally, I would be totally remiss if I didn’t speak to our role as leaders and organizational culture-shapers. We can and must lessen the chances of our team members feeling imposter syndrome. Systemic racism and other forms of bias, strict hierarchy and unsupportive supervisors can all make us feel like we are the problem, when really it traces back to a systemic work culture of dysfunction and bias. 

 So, how do we reduce those feelings of “less than” for our team members? We can offer to mentor, we can value and prioritize building a sense of belonging in our organizations. In addition, when someone further “down” in our structure gets up the courage to ask us a question or for advice, we need to offer it freely - no shame, no disparagement! When someone sends us an unfinished thought or idea, encourage them to flesh it out further. And if someone seems stuck and in their own head, show them compassion, remind them of their value, and push them to act, even if they say they aren’t ready yet!

 Ultimately, we can all sing along to Taylor’s new album, but let’s do our best to quiet the “anti-hero” and remind ourselves and each other of our worth!